Hey all you sexy people.  Do I still have any followers on here?  You've got a load of patience, if I do.  If so, you ought to saunter over to http://alias-palisade.blogspot.com/ which is my new blog!  Sorry xanga.  I retell older stories in what can only be described as 'about 10 paragraphs'.  Hope to see you there.

I have finished recording the first part of the Asimov story "Sunset on the Water", available here.

 

http://asilarae.xanga.com/audio/cc2223962827/

 

More coming soon!

Sherlock Holmes in The Dying Detective

 

The dying detective

is not exactly a mystery story in the strictest sense

it is a story

about a detective

who is dying

 

Pretty simple

 

anyway, the story starts out with watson straight up trashing holmes

look, holmes and watson were obviously the greatest of friends

and not in a wink wink kind of way

so do not link me to your fanfiction

or you can I guess, I need a new porn to make fun of

but Watson will take any excuse to browbeat holmes

 

case in point

the first two pages are all about how

mrs hudson is a literal saint for putting up with holmes

who shoots revolvers indoors

and has a severe disguise addiction

but it's probably okay

since holmes makes sure she is PAID

and then somehow that leads into holmes dying

 

if it were me the dying part would come first

but whatever

 

so mrs hudson has been sent to fetch watson

because holmes is being strange again

and watson immediately drops everything to rush over

this is a fairly consistent thing for watson

his life is pretty much based around dropping everything

to run off with holmes

and play

YOU PUT THAT FANFICTION DOWN THIS INSTANT

 

but in this case it's totally justified because holmes

is straight up sick

and not only is he sick

but he is humorously nasty to watson

maybe it's a side-effect?

Oh doctor my throat is all sore

and I have a fever

and you have a jerky face

 

so holmes has refused to see any other doctor besides watson

and he reacts almost violently to the idea of other doctors

and watson seems so happy

you know, in a somber way

that his friend trusts him that much

 

but NO

holmes lies there and basically refuses to be treated

and trashes watson

and the whole concept of watson being a doctor

watson maybe you are a doctor of SUCKING

like holmes was so insistent that watson show up

just so he could totally dump on his only friend

right before he dies

I'm surprised he wasn't racist as well

oh watson maybe you got a medical degree

because ALL SCOTTISH PEOPLE ARE MEAN WITH MONEY

haha

zing

 

so far in this story we have two men being childishly mean to each other

and one man acting all crazy while dying

so why not throw some raving in there as well?

And I guess I could actually reveal the plot as well

such as it is

the plot being that watson is trapped in a room with his dying best friend

who refuses to be touched or looked at or anything

while holmes acts out in increasingly suspect ways

have we gotten to the oysters yet?

Almost

 

holmes has agreed that watson can go get a doctor

but not a real doctor

and not watson

cause seriously fuck you kilt-man

but some specific doctor to be named at 6 pm

6 pm sharp

until then you can just sit right the fuck down, watson

and listen to holmes rave about oysters

 

this is the best part of the story

half-crowns are involved too

holmes is just seriously losing his shit

eyes rolling in the back of his head and all

 

and then BING BONG BING BONG it's 6

go fetch Culverton Smith

no he's not a doctor

just do it

or I'll throw my crazy at you

 

since watson is fairly dutiful he does this

and mister culverton smith does his damnedest to be as creepy as possible

oh holmes is sick is he

hahahahaha I mean oh no

yes I will go and see him

so I can gloat

I-I mean whatever the opposite is

 

watson runs back to holmes

who forces him to hide behind the bed

and watson, being a reasonable adult, refuses this insane--

I mean wait, he does exactly that

damnit watson

 

and then culverton

man I love that name

culverton shows up and does a typical villian rant

MWA-HA-HA-HA HOLMES IS DYING

AND IT IS BECAUSE OF ME

I SENT YOU A BOX THAT HAD A DISEASE IN IT

AND NOW YOU ARE DYING

 

and holmes says

gotcha, motherfucker

so yeah, it was all a ruse

and the illness was all some clever makeup

and the police come and drag culverton away

culverton culverton culverton

and holmes sort of apologises to watson

all, well of course you couldn't come near me, you would have seen the makeup

and everyone has a good laugh

 

and the moral of the story

is that watson is going to straight up punch holmes one of these days